Doodle # 39

It's been a really long time since I've drawn a doodle let alone allowed myself the time to enjoy this gift of mine that God blessed me with. I do notice that I find myself running from this gift so often it's rather embarrassing, really. I haven't quite been able to define why though. 

I digress.

I found myself in a pretty painful place this last week. The older I get the more I find myself missing my parents. I begin to daydream of what it would be like to have them present in my adult life. Even what it would be like to have disagreements with them now. All of that pain and angst made me turn to what I know best, the thing that is most therapeutic to me. My art. 

There's really not much of a story to share with this piece. It was just a means of reawakening my love to create considering it's been months. I enjoy the creative process of allowing things to follow from my heart out of my hand. 

Insert any other arty like commentary here. Ha! Enjoy the visual consumption.

Doodle # 38

I think it goes without saying that a lot of us take our daily routines, our homes, our family and friends, and even our lives for granted. It's not intentional, but rather just an adverse effect of our constantly busy lives. We fill our days with work and chores, television shows and other mundane tasks. Until something causes a shift. 

Something tragic happened to a beloved friend of mine yesterday. Without warning, he was forced to deal with loss, regret, grief, guilt, and an immeasureable amount of pain. Not only for himself but for the family that it directly effected. As I sat and listened to him, my heart ached for him and for the family. The circumstances of what happened along with the chain of events that occurred changed the course of so many lives within minutes. As an outsider, I struggled to understand why something like this would happen. I attempted to relate, to fully take in if I were in his shoes. In the families shoes. It was so surreal. And impossible to fully comprehend. In twenty four hours, I have thought more about that family and what will become their new normal. I've also thought more about how we handle our guilt. How closely related regret and guilt can be when faced with an irreversibile life event. 

Mourning in and of itself is extremely difficult but when combined with regret and guilt, it will most definitely make the process of working through the loss even more gut wrenching. I've personally fought with my own guilt and regret when it came to my father's death. While I have found a way to forgive myself on some level for my transgressions, there are those around us that have not been able to find that inner peace. They walk around daily, carrying what they feel is a burden they are meant to own, rarely allowing themselves the freedom of forgiveness. 

That reminder of guilt, followed by the reminder of how time taught me the key to letting go, of how I allowed peace back in once I did let that guilt go, inspiried this drawing. 

I will continue to pray for those that were directly and indirectly effected by yesterdays events.  I wished more than anything that I could soothe the pains you are going through.

Doodle # 37

I'm constantly intrigued by those that I encounter and the influence they have on me. Perhaps even more so by the individuals I've previously had the blessing of my paths crossing over. Either way, I am a better person because of those interactions. 

A dear friend recently asked me a question I have yet to be asked. He noted the necklace I was wearing (a large 1930's antique key) along with the keys within several of my drawings and wanted to know if there was something significant there. 
To which, here is my explanation...

I believe everyone is given a gift. While I can't speak for everyones, I can speak of mine. From a very early age, people have admitted to me that they were very comfortable with me quite quickly, feeling as though they trusted me within moments of meeting. It became more and more apparent how often this happened by the amounts of people I would meet daily and how easily people would open up to me. With this, I started to try to define this new found activity in my life. Thus I determined that my gift was likely that of a transitioner--- a person that is used like a stepping stone, helping a soul move from one difficult moment of their life into the next (likely better) step. In addition, I noticed similarities to that of something more tangible. Think of it like a lock and key. People like me are the "key holders" to those that are the "locks"--- those individuals that have barriers up to protect themselves. So, throughout all of my life, I feel like I hold the responsibility of being a "key holder", helping those around me by providing love and support, helping to nourish those various "locks" souls. 

While I have always thought this, I've never actually vocalized it because no one has ever been so aware to ask... From that simple question came this drawing. 


All in all, this drawing is inspired by those that I've had the honor of being called to be their key holder... as well as to those that are my key holders. 
I adore you. 

Doodle # 34

It's another night where I've drawn a line and ran with it. This doodle began with the jaw line, which is one of the jaw types that I tend to gravitate towards when I create my creatures. This little guy quickly sculpted himself onto my tablet which was a refreshing feeling. He gained a facial structure faster than I could keep up so that made this one a little more fun than those that I've created as of late. No fighting for reasons to exist but just existing. Where the tutu came in I'll blame on the classical music being played at Starbucks this evening. Every soul deserves to feel "pretty" from time to time.

Doodle # 33

Nothing new to write. Still not feeling very creative but I know that the act of sketching is what is important. "Flexing" that muscle is all that I am trying to do. I'm not trying to impress my viewers but just draw. So, I just drew today... especially after my fainting spell this morning, I'm lucky I even had that in me. 

Doodle # 32

Sadly, I'm feeling rather disconnected lately in more areas in life than I'd care to acknowledge. Additionally, I haven't been feeling really "creative". Thus I've picked up a few illustration books in hopes that it will help trigger my inner cartoon and cure this overwhelming feeling of ineptness. That's got to be a characteristic that I've inherited from my father, as he was the type to believe any answer could be found through the use of a book--- whether that book pertained to the topic at hand or more often than not, something disconnected entirely from the question you are seeking solice from.

In the meantime, while I wait for my creative genius /sarcasm> to return, I decided to draw a squiggle. I decided that I would listen to the squiggle... to see if I could reveal the inner doodle it was hiding.

Somehow this squiggle turned into my oldest pup, Abby, the crazy Weimaraner.

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Doodle #30

So, obviously, there's been a bit of a delay between postings. Trust that this isn't due to a lack of interest or drive, but rather due in part to other (paying) graphic gigs. Thus, paying gigs trump "doodle time"-- I mean, after all, how else am I suppose to pay for my continuing electronic gizmo addiction? 

Here is a 2 minute sketch, just to warm me back up from being away for a few weeks... 

 

Doodle # 29: More color study

I'm toying more with color as of late. I left the skeleton of this image, keeping it "rough" (as most notice I generally do not do) simply so that I could focus directly on the color. I think I am going to start looking in a different direction with my color blending, liking not blending so much. 
For once there are no creatures with her due to time constraints. Additionally, I'm not in love with this one, but it's the act of creating and actively "doing" that's more important. (This is almost becoming a chant.)

Doodle #28

It has been a busy traveling time for this Fezell as of late. Hence I haven't been able to doodle as freely as I had hoped. However, there is a competition at work for creating the back of our 75th anniversary shirt for our staff. So I decided I would use that as a means of my creative outlet. This piece is the result.
This year, we're celebrating 75 years of "savings and service" and these shirts will be distributed to those that work on campus. For those that do not know, in the front of one of our buildings stands a sculpture of bears. While there are many variations to the story line as to why Cal Turner, Jr. requested the playful bear sculpture for our main building back in 1999, my favorite is the idea of a family bound. DG has given me more opportunities for growth in my career as well as relationships and I am eternally grateful. Whether I win or lose the competition, I just wanted to take some time to pay homage to the company that I so proudly have the opportunity to work for. 

Doodle # 26

Toying around more with color now... forgive the minimal piece. It's been far too long of a break between posts as life has found a means of consuming my time and no creatures are coming out to play. I have, however, truly fallen in love with this figure I continue to draw. I'm not sure just where she is taking me, but I am following.

Her profile is beyond exquisite to me.   

Revisited Doodle # 25

April 12th is a date that tends to throw me for a bit of a loop. Unfortunately this is even more true this year.
Sixteen years ago today was Easter Sunday of 1998. It was also the same day that I received a phone call that changed my life. I lost my father that day.
Today, sixteen years later, I had to watch my cousin bury his father (my uncle). So to say that today has been difficult is an understatement. It was as if I was reliving that pain all over again, but as an outsider, looking in--- watching my cousin's daughter mourn for her beloved grandfather, and my cousin ache to hear his father's laugh again. Not to mention watching my aunt sob over the death of her beloved. All of this hitting far too close to home, thinking of how my mother wept for my father that Sunday in April. 

Usually this time of year, I am in Michigan, celebrating my father's memory with my remaining family and friends that are there. However this year (for obvious reasons along with others unspoken), I stayed in Tennessee. I had originally intended on immersing myself with volunteering at work along with other means of positive indulgence with friends, but those plans changed. So I decided that I would spend some time doing one of the things that I enjoyed doing with my father--- art. I came to my favorite Starbucks location and set out to get lost in my work. With the occasional visit from my Starbuctians (the staff at Rivergate Starbucks will never know how much I appreciate their friendly faces, kind words and infectious laughter), I got lost in my work.  A moment of solitude in honor of the man that hung the moon for me.

 

I am fascinated at the idea of how much my father would have loved how far technology has come. I say that because I remember when I was a child, telling my dad how much I wanted to become a cartoonist. He insisted that I had better learn computers because "sooner rather than later, it'll all be the computers making the art". I remember being so angry at him for saying this, thinking that there was no way a computer could replace the pen strokes that a human being can create! But with age comes wisdom, and now I understand what he was trying to say to little naive me. The point was that technology would be utilized more so than it was before--- not replacing the animators themselves but being another way the animators animated/created art. 

I am truly my father's daughter, obsessed with technology to a fault. My checking account can voucher for that, I assure you. 

I miss him. I feel that goes without saying. There are times where I feel cheated, especially this time of year when my flesh is the weakest. I just wished I could have had the opportunity to know the man that was my father as an adult. The memories of him that I have were only until I was fourteen, so I was still too young for him to share his life story with me. It is because of this that I find myself being envious of those that knew him longer than I had the chance to. I do find peace with it, though, knowing that I was only meant to have him for the time that I did. But that doesn't make my heart stop yearning for more. 

 

Perhaps I'll dream of his smile tonight... 

Doodle # 23

I think the last time I created "fan art" I was the ripe old age of 10. Drawing various Lion King characters, all copies of the original, but of course. However, I've never attempted to do one since. I always felt like I was just copying someone else's art. Well, today, while on hold, I opted to doodle one of my Disney obsessions---- Stitch. For a five minute sketch, in my own style, I'm pretty pleased. I also even MacGyvered my own tools for color... Oh the wonderful powers of Highlighters, ink and graphite. 

The countdown to my first trip to Disney: 55 days